Abusive relationships, I believe, are not what anyone wishes to be in. The dilemma sometimes leaves the victims feeling worthless and confused on the next action to take. Staying in abusive relationships can affect the mental health of the victims. Abusive relationship is one that anyone should scream – I’m tired, get me out of this ‘abusive’ relationship!
For some people, it might be easy to leave any relationship when they sense any form of abuse. But for others, it can be pretty difficult for them to make up their minds to leave.
To those who hung in there patiently waiting for any change of heart or actions by their partners, I say well done! I know it is not easy, coupled with the fact that some societies exert unnecessary pressure on you to remain as well. But I think it is time to sit down and think, plan, and act. Leaving an abusive relationship or stopping any form of abuse will benefit the entire family, and perhaps, lives might be saved too.
An abusive relationship can be in your personal or professional spaces. How is your boss treating you? Are those verbal attacks and unwarranted treatment really necessary? Of the billions of people in this world and millions of jobs – are those abusive ones the only ones? Don’t hate on me, am just asking these questions to help your decision-making process.
From my discussions with people who have been in an abusive relationship and no longer are, I have deduced the following to be what it took them to walk away or abandon such relationships. In this article, I will focus more on personal relationships.
1. Have the courage
Courage is the attribute you need to walk away from an abusive relationship. Fear, which is the opposite of courage, makes you think that you cannot live or do without your abusive partner or spouse. But this is a lie.
Being strong and courageous helps you to envisage possibilities outside the current abusive relationship that you are in. Courage wakes up the positive energy in you to leave such a relationship for your good and that of your children (if any). Please summon the courage and get out of that vicious relationship.
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2. Value your life and purpose
Please value your life by leaving any abusive relationship. You have a purpose in life, and this can only be achieved when you are alive and not when you are dead. Beyond the literal meaning of death, one’s emotions and psyche can die too. Although there are different levels and kinds of abuse, there’s every tendency that any form of abuse can get to the extreme.
Know this –you need to be alive to become the best form of you and also to raise your children. So, please value your life and purpose and leave an abusive relationship. No relationship is worth your life! This applies to both genders, please see our article on ‘what you need to know about domestic violence’.
"Please don’t let erroneous religious sentiments make you stay in an abusive relationship. I repeat, no relationship is worth your life no matter what!"
3. Build confidence in yourself
People often wonder how or if they will be able to leave their abusive relationships. The answer is YES! You can leave and leave behind any toxic relationship that can cost your life. You can do this by developing self-confidence.
Believing in yourself is surely a good way of leaving and recovering from an abusive relationship. When you believe in yourself (or have self-confidence), you will know that you are better and worth more than your current situation. Come on, believe in yourself. There’s got to be more to life than an abusive relationship and its associated pains.
4. Have a measure of self-love
Genuinely love yourself no matter what. Loving yourself will make you appreciate life and its beauty. Love your partner, children and other family members. In fact, it the love that you have for yourself and family members that will make you summon the courage to leave an abusive relationship.
The love you have for your partner should make you leave them for your good as well as theirs. Out of love, you can still encourage them from afar, e.g., encouraging them to seek help. This, I believe, is the most you can do, and it is up to them to seek help and change.
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5. Consider your children and other family members
Please consider your children, parents and other family members before you overstay in an abusive relationship and prematurely lose your worth, and worse still, life. Your children need you to be there for them and raise them as well.
You might worry over your kids growing up without their father or mother, but that is not to be compared to the trauma they will face knowing that their father or mother was severely hurt or died due to domestic abuse.
Please ensure you don’t expose your children to abuse from your partner for any reason. Protect your kids from any form of domestic abuse and stand up for them too. Teach them the other side of life by leaving your abusive relationship.
"For some people, it might be easy to leave any relationship when they sense any form of abuse. But for others, it can be pretty difficult for them to make up their minds to leave."
6. Faith in God and prayers
Your faith in God will strengthen you in taking the needed steps to leave your abusive relationship. Of course, it might be too difficult to bear and to consider leaving your relationship might be another tussle. But, with faith in God and prayers, you will pull through your dark moments.
Please don’t let erroneous religious sentiments make you stay in an abusive relationship. I repeat, no relationship is worth your life no matter what! Your only need to pray and take the necessary steps to leave such a relationship. God sees, knows and He will be with you through the times.
7. Hope in the future and trust your gut that everything will be alright!
There is nothing as powerful as hope. Have hope in the future that everything will be alright even without your abusive partner. Keeping hope alive makes you withstand the nay-sayers, the gossipers or the society at large.
Another intriguing thing about hope is that it wakes up the “I can” spirit in you. When you believe that you can, and hope that things will work out well, they will surely work out well. When you get the opposite of what you hoped for, remember that there’s always a reason. Don’t give up! Keep trying and hoping.
Leaving an abusive relationship requires the virtues mentioned here and perhaps, much more. Please don’t lose your swag, your life, self-esteem and other virtues to an abusive relationship. Summon the courage and leave.
Are there other attributes you know that can help one to leave an abusive relationship, please share them in the comment section? Do you have personal stories about leaving an abusive relationship, we would be happy to share such.
Let’s continue to dazzle in our lives, relationships and families.