Children are precious gifts presented to parents to nurture into greatness. As parents, we have the responsibility to raise our children to maximise their potentials in life. Children are wonderful people, but they can act folly sometimes.
Parents need to draft a plan or a means of disciplining their children without making them detach from them. Again, don’t feel or say because you don’t want to wrong your children or make them detach from you, then you let them continue in their folly.
As parents, you shouldn’t be manipulated by your children. Instead, stand your ground and teach them the vital lessons that they need to learn in order to thrive in life. If you keep quiet and let them have their way all the time, you will most likely regret it in future, and your children will also dislike you for not putting them in the right direction.
It is better that you correct them, and they hate or dislike you now for it, than to leave them in their folly and, by so doing, mar their lives.
As children grow, their understanding broadens, and then, they will come to terms with your acts of love (discipline) and appreciate you for it. The question now is; how do you discipline your children without yelling? How do you correct them and make them understand your actions? The points below are tips you can imbibe while disciplining your children.
#1. Correct them in love
Most parents, I believe, love their children so much that they can give up everything just for their children to be fine. It is out of this love that you correct them. Let this parental love guide you to putting them in the right direction rather than “spoiling” them.
If you don’t discipline them, who will? So, correct them when they do any wrong and don’t keep quiet because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.
See discipline as part of expressing and extending your love to your child. This is because you know you want to see them become their best.
#2. Talk calmly
One of the great ways to talk to your children when they have done any wrong is to talk to them calmly! When you talk calmly to them, they are most likely to listen to you.
Avoid shouting at them. Nobody likes being yelled at. Yelling gives room for rebellion. In turn, your children will pick up the attitude of yelling and exhibit that outside of your home.
I understand you are disappointed and angry at them for misbehaving. However, convey it respectfully and calmly to them. They will understand and also learn how to control themselves when they are disappointed by their friends and peers.
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#3. Excuse yourself if you are too angry
Correcting your child when you are angry will make you unknowingly go overboard in your actions. The best is to step away from your child and the scene, calm yourself down, and remind yourself that he/she is only a child and then pull yourself together to talk to your child calmly.
Talking when you are angry can also lead to you making empty threats to the child that you might not fulfil, and it will register to them that you do not keep to your words. You should avoid this as much as possible in order to keep your integrity.
#4. Take away stuff to teach them some vital lessons
Taking away stuff from your children when they misbehave is a good way of teaching them some vital lessons that they need to learn.
Children get carried away sometimes that they cling to some stuff and disobey orders from their parents. As a parent, you need to let them know that things come and go, but they need to learn to follow instructions from you and the authorities over their lives.
For example, I told my child to tidy up his toys and that it was time for other things that we needed to do. Because it was his favourite toy, he didn’t listen. After telling him three consecutive times and giving him some grace limits, I took the toy away. We got to do other things that we needed to do, even with him being moody because I took away his toy.
#5. Keep to your words
As parents, when you say something to your kids, please endeavour to do that. They will take you seriously when they know that you keep to your words.
Please try as much as possible to avoid saying things to your children that you do not mean. They are growing up and at the same time learning some character traits from you. Therefore, it is best to model good virtues and character to them.
From the example I cited above, I kept to my words when I took away the toy and told my child that he would get it after two weeks. At some point, the sibling asked, "when would we get the toy back?", he simply replied, “in the next three days”. This means that the child heard me clearly and understood the extent of the ban.
Keeping to my words has made my children not act in a certain way because they know once I say something, I always do it. They prefer to listen than be disciplined in a way they will not like.
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#6. Remind them afterwards that you love them
Yes, disciplining your child is good, but endeavour to remind them afterwards that you love them. Let them know that no matter what, your love for them is unwavering.
By reminding them how much you love them, despite their actions, will help them understand why you did what you had to do. For example, I once spoke with a 22-year-old about how she grew up, and she said, “thank God for the way my parents disciplined me; I don’t know how I would have turned out without their discipline and love”.
"If you don’t discipline them, who will? So, correct them when they do any wrong and don’t keep quiet because you don’t want to hurt their feelings."
#7. Discuss, dialogue and explain
When it comes to disciplining your child, you have to discuss, dialogue and explain. Talk through the rules and regulations you must have set for your home with your children. It is good that they know what is obtainable when they fail to do some things or misbehave.
By discussing and dialoguing over the repercussions of misbehaviours and actions with them, they will, in a way, try and avoid misbehaving. In addition, you won’t have to argue much with them because they know and understand what comes with such actions.
Disciplining a child you love so much might seem like a daunting task, but it is part of your duty as parents to discipline your child in love so that they will learn good lessons and become better people as they grow.
It is really not advisable to let your child have his/her way all the time. They are too young to know or even understand the negative implications of their actions. It is solely up to you as the parents to point them in the right direction through discipline.
Think about this real-life story: one mother in the USA couldn’t say no to anything her child asked for, and this continued until this child became obese to a tune of 600 lbs at less than 20 years of age. The doctors were involved in helping and saving this child’s life. She regretted her actions and urged other parents to discipline their children while they still could.
As Dazzlers, I believe you will do the needful with your precious children. So, let’s continue to dazzle in our families, relationships and raising of children.