The end of any marriage due to divorce comes with a myriad of questions and mixed emotions. Feelings of losses and hurt can be so strong and may even take you unawares in some situations. Knowing how to deal with these feelings and shifting your mindset is a great way to cope and bounce back after divorce.
Surviving and bouncing back after a divorce is possible. And yes, you can do it! It is crucial for your physical and mental wellbeing. After divorce, you and your entire family will have to find a way to adjust smoothly to the new reality.
At first, it might seem difficult to cope with the whole process, but with time, you will heal and move on with life.
Here are practical ways that you can cope and quickly bounce back after divorce:
1. Work on and manage your feelings
The dissolution of your marriage can leave you sad, confused, angry and even frustrated. Just know that these feelings will go with time. Take some time out and grieve over the loss of your marriage.
Managing your emotions and feelings is important to your moving on in life. Sometimes, the hurt resulting from divorce might be too intense to bear, but allowing yourself to grieve over it is essential to your healing process. Give yourself a break and heal. Maintain a positive mental attitude and dwell on the good sides of your dissolved relationship.
2. Take care of yourself and stay healthy
Taking good care of yourself is critical to your wellbeing. Eat well, exercise, rest as much as you need and stay healthy. Don’t indulge in unhealthy habits such as alcoholism, smoking and wayward lifestyle as a means to cope with the pain. These habits will only lead you to more problems.
Consciously take care of yourself physically and emotionally. You can listen to inspiring and soothing music, engage in yoga and meditation, or/and other interesting activities. Do self-care and try to maintain your regular routines as much as possible.
3. Get support from your trusted friends and family members
Don’t try to go through your healing process alone. You can get support from your ‘trusted’ close friends and family members who sincerely care about you. Share your feelings with them and let them help you heal.
Spend time with people who can build you up and energize you to rediscover yourself again. You need positive people around you that you can be free to share your feelings with, without being judged or ridiculed.
" Sometimes, the hurt resulting from divorce might be too intense to bear, but allowing yourself to grieve over it is essential to your healing process. "
4. Help your children to heal and adjust
Divorce can also be difficult for children as much as it is for adults. It breaks up the normal routines they were used to. Please, reassure your kids that everything will be okay. Let them know about the new changes in their home. Depending on their ages, find an appropriate way to explain the current
situation to them.
Please talk with your kids about their emotions and listen to them too. Avoid making them take sides by maintaining a positive attitude. Respect your partner and don’t say negative things about them in their presence or drag them into the feud.
Give appropriate and accurate answers to their questions.
Always remind them of how much their parents love them. Yes, things have changed, but that won’t change. Please encourage them to have good relationships with both parents separately.
5. Seek help from support groups when needed
Seek external support and help when necessary. You can consider joining support groups where you can meet people in similar situations or see a counsellor/therapist. Sometimes, just sharing your thoughts and experiences to a listening ear might be all you need.
What is more important is you have a place where you can comfortably open up or express yourself. Remember, not everyone is worth hearing your story. So be cautious too.
6. Explore your interests and the future
Family breakups or divorces are stressful occurrences, but they are not the end of life. As you are healing and bouncing back after divorce, you need to explore your interests.
Open a new chapter of your life. Take your situation as an opportunity to work on yourself. Do a self-check to figure out what personal interests you might explore and what new paths you would like to take.
You can enrol in a course, take up a job or switch to a new one, and engage in other activities that bring out the best and the highest form of you.
Focus on your inner self. Learn new skills and equip yourself with relevant tools you need to succeed in life. Make your future brighter, better and greater than the situation you just walked away from.
A good way to start exploring your interests is to get back to some activities you used to love doing but had stopped for a while.
"Spend time with people who can build you up and energize you to rediscover yourself again."
7. Don’t engage in arguments and conflicts with your ex
Engaging in unwarranted arguments and conflicts with your ex-spouse will not yield any meaningful result. Endeavour to be at least in ‘talking terms’, if not for anything, for the sake of the kids (if any). Don’t fight in the presence of your children. Don’t get your kids involved in your disagreements.
The likelihood of your co-parenting might be high, so you need to have mutual respect. There will be quite some agreements regarding co-parenting, e.g. disciplinary measures for the kids, time with the kids, the kid’s daily and weekly routines, and so on. So, don’t engage in unnecessary arguments and conflicts with your ex-spouse.
8. Bounce back and consider new intimate relationships
As a divorcee, you need to open your mind to new relationships. For you to achieve this, you have to first work on yourself. Mourn the loss of your previous relationship and get over it.
Secondly, have a re-orientation and also set new relationship goals for your life. In the process of achieving your set goals and moving on with your life, you might meet someone to have an intimate relationship and go through life with once again.
It is far better and possible to have a smooth breakup/divorce than to be a victim of perpetual abuse and violence in a marital relationship. This applies to both men and women alike.
Have you gone through a divorce or currently going through one? Please feel free to share your insights on coping and bouncing back after divorce. Thank you. Let’s dazzle together!