When a couple goes through a divorce, some aspects of their lives are impacted by the divorce. Some of these impacts often leave each member of the family emotionally stressed. Here, I’ll be looking at how divorce might negatively affect you and your family.
In most cases, it is heart-breaking and tormenting for anyone to go through a divorce. The psychological and physical negative impacts can be quite disturbing. It’s only in some cases that divorce might be a big sign of relief to one.
Divorce can impact the entire family negatively in different ways. Some of the negative impacts might leave one wondering if one would be able to move on. The fact is, you can and you will move on. Understanding how to deal with some of the negative effects of divorce will help you get back to your feet faster.
For a while, some families often find themselves troubled and still struggling with the resulting impacts of divorce.
Here are some unavoidable negative impacts of divorce to deal with and how to potentially overcome them.
Loneliness is one of the impacts of divorce that one would have to deal with. Irrespective of who initiated the divorce, what triggered it, how smooth/difficult the divorce process went, and/or how life-saving/changing the process was, one would feel lonely afterwards. You might find yourself missing your ex in one way or the other.
It takes a lot to build friendship, and having lost one, it might take a while to get used to being without a spouse. Losing your friend and spouse, in-laws and other family relationships might leave you lonely, sad, and confused. Some people might even question their decision to divorce or accept divorce at that point.
The feeling of loneliness might make some people feel worthless, lose appetite, and others might lose their interests in life.
Whatever the case is, please find a true friend you can confide in. Don’t let loneliness take a toll on your health or make you lose your sense of self.
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After divorce, one might feel stigmatised in different ways. Some people might blame you for not being able to keep your marriage. Some friends can take sides with your ex and/or distance themselves from you.
You feel stigmatised when you are being labelled sometimes by people who should have known better. This sort of labelling and stigma can leave one feeling ashamed of the breakdown of his/her marital relationship.
Stigma often makes one feel guilty of their actions or ways they did or didn’t contribute to the issues that led to their divorce. Stigma also makes it difficult for divorcees to interact with people freely.
I encourage divorcees to care-less about what people would say or think, but rather channel their energies to coping and bouncing back to become their best in life. See a very encouraging article on bouncing back after a divorce here.
"Whatever the case is, please find a true friend you can confide in. Don’t let loneliness take a toll on your health or make you lose your sense of self."
3. Relating with your ex-spouse
Another aspect of one’s life that would be impacted on after a divorce is one’s relationship with ex-spouse. Yes, you have divorced, but some sort of relationship would still exist, especially when children are involved.
It’s a difficult feeling to see someone you once ‘loved’ and who perhaps loved you as much become a friendly or unfriendly stranger. It can be hurting, and this can leave you sometimes angry, wrestling with self-doubt and engaging in ‘blame game’.
My advice is that you let the by-gone be by-gone. Be matured adults and maintain mutual respect for each other. Co-parent without conflicts and ensure not to drag your kids into the strained relationship or strife.
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4. Your children’s well-being
The well-being of the children is often a major worry for divorcing or already divorced spouses. Opening up to your children about the new reality can be quite challenging. Spouses are always bothered about how the children will react to the divorce.
Sometimes, divorce can have negative impacts on children. It can impact on their academic grades and also on their interpersonal relationships.
Notwithstanding, children can still do well after their parent’s divorce. They only need to be reassured that they are still unconditionally loved by their parents. Parents also need to develop and work on their relationships with their kids after a divorce.
My suggestion is: have a good post-divorce co-parenting agreement in place to avoid extending more negative impacts on your children. Understand that regardless of what happened, your children belong to both of you.
For more help on shared parenting agreement, visit Family and Friend Agreement for more useful resources.
"...have a good post-divorce co-parenting agreement in place to avoid extending more negative impacts on your children. Understand that regardless of what happened, your children belong to both of you."
5. Routine disruption
Generally, divorce causes disruptions in family routines. From the normal daily routine to kids extra-curricular activities, everything is jiggled up.
Divorced families will need to agree on a new routine that will not impact negatively on the children.
6. Moving on
Emotional stress associated with divorce can be frustrating. However, over time, you will heal and move on. Moving on might involve you exploring your interests or finding new ones. You might also consider opening up to new relationships. Read our article on ‘How to cope and bounce back after divorce’.
The fear of the unknown, financial strain and anxiety might set in, but you will get over it with time. Let your focus be on becoming the best form of you.
Are there other negative impacts of divorce one should know? Please feel free to share your insights and experiences in the comment section. Thank you. Let’s dazzle together!